- 1 a.m. Knock at door from preschooler, insisting her Cabbage Patch Kid needs Children’s Tylenol for its “boo-boo.”
- 2 a.m. Curious squeals from infant, who has discovered he has a belly button.
- 3 a.m. Knock at door from preschooler, urgently seeking second dose of Tylenol for desperately ill Cabbage Patch Kid.
- 4 a.m. Hysterical shrieks from infant, who has decided his belly button is scary.
- 5 a.m. Mommy awakens from nightmare about injecting doll’s belly button with Children’s Tylenol.
- 6 a.m. Baby moves one inch in crib and suddenly every toy within a 12-foot radius starts barking, oinking, and singing “Wheels on the Bus.”
- 7 a.m. Radio alarm goes off, filling Mommy’s head with “Margaritaville” and dark thoughts of vengeance against Ryan Seacrest.
Sure, back in the day, staying up past 10 p.m. seemed reasonable enough. But face it: you have kids now. Every hour of shut-eye is precious–no matter how desperately you want to watch the Walking Dead survivors engage in mortal combat over a tub of ice cream. So shut down the computer, turn off the lights, and get some sleep . . . after all, you only have a few hours until some stuffed animal needs an emergency appendectomy. Good night!